The plane touched down this morning at 8:10am... and there I was, on the runway of the Kuching International Airport.  Only moments ago the plane was flying over treetops and familiar buildings that came into sight, stirring a strange, awkward feeling in my heart that seem to make me wanna choke back on the tears that were about to spring forth from my eyes.  I am happy to be home, yet sad to leave what seemed to have become my second home.  Although knowing I would be back there again in just a matter of weeks, yet the feeling of leaving behind the people I love, and knowing that some I might not be seeing ever again, hurts me so much it crumbles a hole in my heart.

Being home felt good, suddenly I was back again in the arms of the luxuries of home sweet home.  Air-conditioning, hot showers, Astro, good food, and for once in a long long time... a real kitchen and a real fridge to raid.  But then again, in the midst of the bliss of being home, somewhere in the far corner of my heart there is still this nagging feeling that somehow pokes and stabs me with momentary jabs of pain.  It's not the jetlag nor the constant worrying about the future, not even anything close to homesickness... but it's just something, something that I somehow just cannot seem to explain myself.

Complicated.  I am a complicated person.  It's sad that I no longer follow my heart bluntly anymore, but rather use my head to dive into the complexity of my extremely complex self.  It would've left me mortified years ago.  But things are different now.

More often am I a sad person alone compared to the happy, noisy person I am with people around me.  A friend of mine whom I've chatted with recently told me this: "It's a big phase of life change."  And to the question of possibly not going to be meeting some people in your life anymore, she said, "That's something we gotta face soon."

It is always the things of such that drives me to the verge of tears and throws me into the kind of mood that makes me wanna sit alone in the corner and feel sorry for myself.  Often I tell myself it's wrong, but it is only the plain fact that I am by nature the kind of person who holds on to things and often is it impossible for me to find the courage and strength to let go.  It is in times like these that I am gripped by the claws of melancholic reminiscence that throws me deep in thought and reverie.

But things will change.  The future will eventually come.  And sometimes separation is inevitable, no matter how hard you try to run away, or hide yourself from it.

Amazing how 5 years could fly by just before you could say jack.  And amazing how just last week I was laughing away by the beach and having the time of my life, and how soon it all ended in just a momentary flash, faster than your finger could click on the shutter.

Speaking of which, the island getaway I have been hiding from basically almost everyone... we went to Redang =)  I could tell you it was the best trip ever and that it was worth every single cent and thought put into making the trip possible, but you wouldn't believe it until you've seen it for yourself.  And so to end this post that had started out with a glitch of emo-ness, I shall fill the rest of it with pictures of happiness and bliss. :)

If only time could stop when we are having fun, if only the world could stop spinning at that moment when you want it to last, and if only memories would not simply turn into memories only, but could be something truly real that you live in each day.  If only I could live every happy day in my life everyday.




How I wish our stay could've been longer... I miss the sand, the sea, the wind, and swinging peacefully in the hammock between the coconut trees in the cool afternoon breeze... and most of all, the wonderful company I had all the time, who happily beared with my mindless chatter and tickled me with endless laughter.  You guys are the best and I miss you all. :)